His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Bring me that man meat
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
