Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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