i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can't motorboat a personality
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
