i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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