I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
