yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
