Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
