trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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