Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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