so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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