Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
