The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
