What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
