we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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