I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
