I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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