go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
