I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
