Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
