My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
