Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
