Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
