Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
