You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
