Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
