the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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