your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
