11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a hot homeless man
just come out here and I will go home with you...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
