mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
