Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
