im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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