Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
