i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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