you would pick up someone in the library
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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