I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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