You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
