I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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