I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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