i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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