Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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