We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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