Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
