I have demons in me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
