i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
