i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
