My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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