Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's blow job season.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
