Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
