the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
