She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
