return my video game
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
