"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
